DANGER AHEAD!

 How costly are hidden agendas in building and maintaining trusted personal and professional relationships?

This morning a friend of mine told me that her “significant other” asked what she assumed to be a straightforward and thoughtful question.  Was she interested in making a family trip into New York City for a few hours this weekend?   She almost agreed, but something didn’t feel quite right. His question seemed somehow out of character. Turns out she was right. There was a hidden agenda. What he needed was someone to sit in a double parked vehicle while he transported a heavy box from his office. I don’t mean to kick my friend’s husband to the curb, literally or figuratively, but being the victim of a hidden agenda can bust trust very quickly.

An alternative scenario would have been for the husband to tell his wife he needed to pick up some boxes and ask if she would be willing to play “taxi.” This conversation would have created a more level playing field. Bottom line, no trip to NY and some level of trust rebuilding required.

In business, I’ve seen lots of hidden agendas, and the end result is always the same. Trust disappears in a nanosecond, and it can’t always be rebuilt.

Here are just a few typical “Danger Ahead” signals:

1. The colleague, coworker or manager who asks how they can help  but seeks out a favor in the same conversation.

2. The colleague, coworker or manager who  talks nice to your face, but not so nice behind your back.

3. The colleague, coworker or manager who wants to hear about your latest ideas, only to copy or take credit for them.

4. The colleague, coworker or manager who calls you “partner” but once they get what they want, the word “partner” is no longer in their vocabulary.

5. The colleague, coworker or manager who says “trust me.”

Some claim a relationship of trust cannot exist without character, competency and consistency. My belief is that all the competency and consistency in the world will not build or maintain trust in a relationship if the “character factor” is missing. What do you think?

Barbara Kimmel is the Executive Director of Trust Across America-Trust Around the World and editor of the award winning TRUST INC. book series.